You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am one with the molecules
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize