she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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