96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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