? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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