You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
