I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
