the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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