all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
