With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
