also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
