Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
