I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
