i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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