Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize