And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
