Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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