That's intense
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
