Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
