College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize