My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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