I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
