And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
