A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
