Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
