Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
