gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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