i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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