Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
