If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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