So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
