True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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