woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
