there's paper in my vomit.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
