Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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