Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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