Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
