We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
