the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
