grandma shit on top of the toilet
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
