I'm really into asian looking animals
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Terrible idea I love it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
