my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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