Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
