well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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