How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
