there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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