This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize