i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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