My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
