That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
