Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
lol hangovers are for mortals.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
