Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
