oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
