we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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