my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize