Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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