I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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