The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
