Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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