Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
