I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize