Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
