do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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