I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
