Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
