I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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